Chickenhawk’s Chicken and Beans: An Homage to a Looney Tunes Merry Melody
Anyone who knows me is aware of my aversion to the real world. I know I live in it, and I’m aware of what happens in it — all too well, I feel sure, given my life experiences, which have not always been rosy — but I prefer to persevere ignorant of the minutia of daily suffering. Lolita is hardwired to sink into the clinical blues, and often thinks speeding busses and steep cliffside drops look appealing when said blues have taken a hold of her heart — but she’s learned how to cope. How, you ask, does one cope with depression? Why – through Cartoon Network, of course! (And drugs. Copious amounts of drugs. And therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.) I started watching cartoons instead of the news 15 years ago, and the noble Claytonious has followed suit: both of us are perpetually happier than we ever had been before “Pokemon” and “Teen Titans” took the place of Katie Couric and CNN. From great cartoons come great inspirations – and the new Looney Tunes show on Cartoon Network has been a treasure trove of food-related delight! From Speedy Gonzalez’s “Queso Bandido” to Elmer Fudd’s “Grilled Cheese” — this new show showcases cartoon food and merry melodies in side-splitting videos I’ve now started seeking out. Tonight’s inspiration has this little guy to thank:
You remember Chickenhawk, dontcha? This diminutive bruiser has an unrelenting hankering for Foghorn Leghorn’s succulent chicken flesh, and Barnyard Dog serves as his back-up singer in a video I fear I can’t post, lest Ted Turner hunt me down for copyright infringement. The song is, of course, all about eatin’ chicken:
Barnyard Dog (falsetto singsong): Chickenhawk’s getting hungry; Chickenhawk’s getting hungry!
Chickenhawk (in rap:): I want some chicken… to eat. It is my favorite meat. I like it crispy, or glazed, it puts me in a daze. I like it fried up, or baked; for my birthday I eat CHICKEN CAKE!
Barnyard Dog (falsetto singsong): Chickenhawk’s not a chicken. He’s just a hawk, that eats chicken.
And that, dear readers, is just the beginning! Foghorn Leghorn tries to convince CH to try other things: something from the Chinese restaurant down the street, or a fish taco, or honey buns, or a hot dog, or pork(y Pig), and finally…
Foghorn Leghorn (in kuntry rap):… Try my grandma’s baked beans… they’ve got 10 grams of protein! They’re duly sweet and piping hot, you’ll want to eat the whole dang pot!
Barnyard Dog (falsetto singing): Chickenhawk’s going to eat them beans; Chickenhawk is enjoying them beans.
Chickenhawk (with hearts in his eyes for the beans): You know what would go good with them beans….? CHICKEN.
And there you have it: chicken and beans. Barnyard Dog’s final words in the song clearly describe their relationship: “Beans and chicken, what a heavenly combo.” That cartoon, and Little Red, was all I needed to craft a scrumdillyicious dinner of spatchcock chicken and quick baked beans — all in less than an hour, for less than $15. I’m sorry Foghorn Leghorn – but you were DELICIOUS.